after the seconf IVF - masodik lombikbebi utan

Unfortunately this cycle of IVF did not hold.  I thought it would be easy to navigate myself through the emotions and procedures and blog about it. I am a pretty open person, yet there is something about this that is sacred. It almost feels, that I will jinx it, if I write about it, while it is happening... I know this is silly, but I find myself grabbing on to ideas that I could have never entertained before, just to have this little baby in my arms.
This was our second cycle. During the hormone injections I felt fine. Half way I went for a check up, and there were no  follicles. How could that be? This is the biggest fear one can have in this situation, when even with medicine, no follicles show up. I had number three, as my magical number, that I was envisioning, and really thought it would come through. I was taking 3 Menopur -75NE- twice a day. I have also started another injection, that I did not do last time, which was Gonapeptyl -0.1mg- and I used half of it daily. (It stimulates the pituitary release of LH and FSH) 
 So my doctor upped the Menopur to 4 vials from 3, twice a day. But I only had  four-five days left. You can postpone ovulation only for so long. I wanted to stay positive, but in 4-5 days, what kind of rush is that? When I went for my second ultrasound, I had four follicles. Three of them had an acceptable mature size. So after all, I got my magical number! The doctor was shocked. I was elated, even though I realized, that the chances are, that not all of them must be developed all the way. So we set the day of the egg retrieval. That day I was happy, anxious and excited. They retrieved 3 eggs. I felt like it was luxury, three eggs. However only one became an embryo. One was immature and the other one did not get fertilized. Okay, one is a good number, I only need one to work. Thought I have to confess, we have entertained the thought of twins or triplets... After the implantation I did more bed rest than last time, but I don't think this is as important as some people swear by it, nor do my doctors.
So here I am now. Yesterday and the day before I went through fear and panic. I am better today, as I need to gear up for for our next cycle.  In Hungary you have to wait 3 months between procedures, and my plan is to join the gym (continue with the Pilates) and look for a seasonal holiday job at home (New York), and come back in full force. I am going to go back to the US in a couple of weeks. I miss my husband so much.

Sajnos ez a lombik bebis kor nem jott ossze. Tudom, megigertem, hogy irni fogok rola es beszamolok reszletesen, hogy mit erzek, es mi van eppen soron. Eleg nyitott ember vagyok, de megis, amikor benne voltam a folyamatban, akkor ugy ereztem ebben van valami, amit nem tudok megfogalmazni, es ha irok rola lehet hogy azzal vivom ki magam ellen a sorsot. Tudom, ebben semmi racio nincs, de azon kapom magam, hogy minden esszel felfoghato, es felfoghatatlan dologba kapaszkodok, hogy segitsen abban hogy ezt a kisbabat vegre a kezembe foghassam.
Ez volt a masodik alkalom, hogy elkezdtuk a lombik bebi programot. A hormon injecio alatt nagyon jol ereztem magam. Megint Menopurt -75NE- injekcioztam, 3 poruveget naponta ketszer. Amikor mentem az elso ultrahangra, hat nem volt egyetlen egy tuszom sem. Pedig annyira vizulaltam 3 petet. Annyira hittem benne. Ez a legrosszabb hir, amit az ember kaphat a lombik kapcsan, hogy nincs pete, amit meg lehet termekenyiteni. Egyszeruen sokkolt, nem is ertettem. Emelett a hormon melett meg kaptam egy masik gyogyszert, Gonapeptylt, -0.1mg- aminek a felet kellett naponta beadnom. (Ez a gyogyszer az agyalapi mirigyre hat, hogy tobb legyen az LH es az FSH.)
Ekkor az orvos felemelte a Menopur adagomat, es 4 poruveget adtam be magamnak naponta ketszer. Viszont mar nem volt sok idom, es racionalisan nem ertettem, hogy negy-ot  nap alatt hogy fejlodhet ki egy egeszseges pete. Amikor a masodik ultrahangra mentem, mindenki megdobbenesere negy tuszo fogadott minket. Ebbol harom eleg jo meretu volt. (Na megiscsak megvolt az a varazslatos szam!!) Az orvos meg volt lepodve. Kiirtuk a peteleszivas napjat! Aznap nagyon izgatott, boldog es feszult voltam, megiscsak nagy a tet. Mert ugye a negy tuszoben nem lehet tudni, hogy hany pete van? Vegulis harmat szivtak le, ami csodalatos. A megtermekenyites utan egy embrio alakult ki. Az egyik pete volt eleg fejlett, a masik meg valami oknal fogva nem termekenyult meg. Az egyes szam is jo szam, pont eleg nekunk! Na azert nem mondanam, hogy nem jatszottunk el az ikrek gondolataval... A beultetest kovetoen fekudtem, tobbet is mint multkor, de nem ezen mulik, ebben az orvossal is megegyeztunk.
Hat es most itt tartunk, ket nap felelem es panik utan (a jovo bizonytalansaga miatt) ma mar jobban vagyok, es keszulok az ujabb ciklusra. A biztosito miatt kell harom honapot varni, igy ket harom heten belul haza megyek New Yorkba. Mar annyira hianyzi a ferjem, nehez ezt igy nehez egyedul vegig csinalni.  Azt terveztem, hogy beiratkozok egy torna terembe, (folytatom a pilatest) es keresek munkat az unnepek alatti hajrara.

Morning swim at Orfu - reggeli uszkalas Orfun

places to veg out on - stegek

This morning we went for a morning swim, my friends Saca, Mila and their handsome dog, Fulop. This a  good time for him for swim, as there are almost no people around.

splash- beugras

This lake region, Orfu is 20 minutes away from my city Pecs. We did the same thing last week and these memories are absolutely magical for me. Examples like this show me how simple pleasures in life are the most valuable.

Ma reggel elmentunk Orfure uszkalni egy kicsit  Sacaval, Milaval es persze a Fulop is jott velunk. Ilyenkor meg a kuty is uszkalhat szabadon, nem zavar senkit.

let me me check out that duck - kacsa vadaszat

 
Orfu kb. husz percre van Pecstol autoval. Mult heten is mentunk mar, es erzem, hogy ezek az egyszeru kis kiruccanasok toltenek el a legtobb boldogsaggal. Napokig tudok toltodni beloluk.

racing miniature sailboats - modellvitorlasok versenye

Yarn Along - Kotes es olvasas

I have two passions that keep following me in life. One of them is reading, and the other one is knitting. I am sure this is not a revelation for you, if you read my blog from time to time. However, today I am going to combine the two with this icon, Yarn Along.
The idea behind this icon is to match up two things you enjoy. It could be a description of a knitting, and some musings over a book; or it can be a picture to illustrate your progress in knitting/crocheting and the book.
This is how I join in with Ginny on Wednesdays about knitting and reading.

Ket dolog van amit soha nem unok meg, az olvasas es a kotes. Gondolom, ez nem nagy hir, ha mar olvastatok a blogot, de most elhataroztam, hogy osszekotom oket a Yarn Along gombbal.
Itt az az otlet, hogy ossze hozzuk azt, ami orommel tolt el minket. Az lehet egy kotes/horgolas leirasa, es egy konyvrol valo monfondirozas. Es lehet egy foto is, amin a konyv es az alakulo kotes/horgolas van.
Igy csatlakozom Ginny szerdai olvasok es kotok oldalahoz.

I have arrived To Hungary yesterday.  On my trip I was knitting Swallowtail, which is going to be a surprise for someone, so this is all I can write about it for now.
The book is in Hungarian, my friend recommend  it to me before I left for New York. So I took it with me, but did not read it in the past six weeks.  The author, Daniel Glattauer I think is German, and there is a sequel. 
Tegnap megerkeztem Magyarorszagra. Az uton a kis fecskefarku kendommel bibraltam. Ez egy meplepi lesz, igy most nem tudok errol sokkal tobbet irni.
Ez a konyvet a baratnom ajanlotta, mar par hete meg mielott visszamentem volna New Yorkba, es most hozom vissza. Persze csak most kezdtem el olvasni...

  I love the color, and the yarn.
  Imadom a ezt a fonalat, nem ez az elso alkalom hogy hasznalom, es a szine is olyan szep.

I have finished my  Miralda shawl. It looks beautiful.
Befejeztem Miraldat, nagyon szep lett.

    I love the red color, so I am thinking of knitting a warmer winter shawl from a chunkier red yarn soon.
    Szeretnek meg egy piros kendot, vastag fonalbol, hogy telen jo melegen tartson.

Kitchen activity: fermented cucumbers - ma keszult a konyhaban: kovaszos uborka

If you walk on a street full of houses in Hungary, I bet you would see a lot of jars of fermented cucumbers in their patios and or window stills. It is a pretty easy side dish, or main dish if you love it that much. Which I do, and so does my father.

Azt hiszem Magyarorszagon a legtobb haz tornacan es ablakaban ott van egy nagy uveg alakulo kovaszos uborka. Nagyon egyszeru elkesziteni, es igen finom. Mi az Apuval annyira szeretjuk, hogy nem is kell foetel melle.

You will need a few fresh and crunchy cucumbers. Wash them, cut off the edges and cut them lengthwise in both directions, as if you were to quarter them, but you actually don't cut it all the way (so that the water can reach it better). Wash your bunch of dill, and cut off edges. If you love garlic, you can put some cloves in, but this is totally optional. And have some stale bread. I ended up cutting off the crust, to have a better exposure to the soft part.
Kell hozza par ropogos uborka, veguket levagtam, keresztbe vagtam,  (hogy viz jobban erje). Kaprot megmostam, veget levagvam. A fokhagymat ki lehet hagyni, ha nem vagy fokhagymas, de en bizony imadom.  Es vegul a kenyer, aminek a hejat levagtam, hogy jobban erje minden. (Bar szerintem hejaval is jo.)

 I almost forgot, you will need a tablespoon of salt for each pint of water. I used 3 pints to cover everything.
Ja majdnem elfelejtettem, hogy kell bele so is, fel literhez egy kanal. Nalam masfel liter viz fedett el mindent.

 I did not find my large jar, must have put something else into it, so I used a vase. Repurposing is great.
Nem talaltam a nagy dunsztos uvegemet, igy elo kaptam egy vazat, nem is nez ki rosszul. 

 Bread on top.
Kenyer a tetejen.

It is out in the sun, will be back to show you, when it is ready!
Es most mar a napon van, jelentkezem, amikor keszen van!

91 days -91 nap

91 napja eltuntem innen a blogrol. Most kerek elnezest, hogy egy mukkot sem szoltam, hogy miert. Es hat az az igazsag, hogy nem tudtam, hogy fogalmazzam meg, mi is tortenik velem, korulottunk, igy nem irtam. A tenyek, az erzelmek es a penz hianya olyan hullamvolgyekbe dobtak minket, amikre nem voltunk felkeszulve. Pedig megis valahogy meg kellett volna fogalmaznom, hogy mit erzek, es milyen donteseket kell hoznunk a jovore nezve.
Diohejban mar irtam arrol, hogy szeretnenk kisbabat, es hat orvoshoz is jarunk. Itt az USA-ban harom mesterseges megtermekenyitest probaltunk meg, mert erre futotta anyagilag. Sajnos a mesterseges megtermekenyites(ek) nem jart(ak) sikerrel. Azt sem tudtuk, hogy miert nem. Innen a kovetkezo lepes az a lombik bebi program. Szamunkra az olyan draga, hogy azt az USA-ban mi nem tudtuk megengedni magunknak. (Parok akiknek nincs mas lehetoseguk felvesznek kolcsont, -ami itt egy elfogadott es kialakult dolog- es abbol probalkoznak. Az adatok hihetetlenek, hogy meddig megy el egy par, hogy meglegyen a lehetosege arra, hogy kisbabaja lehessen. Ertem en ezt, mert en is nagyon szeretnem, de a ferjem az sokkal racionalisabb, mint en.)
Utana neztem hogy Magyarorszagon milyen lehetosegeink vannak, - en mint magyar allampolgar, o mint amerikai, tehat o fizetos- es mi mennyibe kerul. Hat mindennel egyutt egy negyede volt az USA-i arnak. Minden alatt ertem a replojegyeket, a gyogyszereket, az orvosi konzultaciot, es a TB utolagos visszafizeteset 2007-tol a mai napig. Az az osszeg ami itt egy alkalmat fedezne, az kb. harmat-negyet fedez Pecsen. Es ugy tunik hogy a lombik bebi nem az elso alkalommal jon ossze, tehat jobb ha ugy indulunk, hogy van meg lehetosegunk....
A (pecsi) Kaali intezetbe mentunk, es nagyon jo hogy oket valasztottuk. Minden szempontbol csak a legjobbakat tudom irni. Majus kozepen mar Pecsett voltam, es majus utolso heteben elkezdtem az injekciozast, majd jott a pete leszivas, megtermekenyites, es a 4 napos embrio visszaultetese. Sajnos az embrio nem tapadt meg, es harom honap kivarasa utan augusztus vege fele kezdjuk ujra a masodik  lombik bebi programot.
Nem vagyok elkeseredett, mert tudom, hogy mi mindent megtettunk, meg mert meg van lehetosegunk ujra probalni. Az sem utolso szempont, hogy a ferjem imad, es mindenben tamogat. A hazassagi evfodulonkra egy oda-vissza jegyet kaptam tole, hogy egyutt lehessunk amig nem kell visszamennem a dokihoz.  Nagyon szerencses vagyok. Szoval igy van az, hogy hol New Yorkbol, hol Pecsrol jelentkezem majd.

It has been 91 days since my last post. It is a long time, and I am sorry for disappearing without a word.  However I was overwhelmed by emotions, cold facts and the lack of money to deal with something that is really crucial to our life right now. It is hard for me to articulate my feelings or deal with these new challenges. We have to make decisions for our future, and it is not easy.
As you might remember, I have mentioned that we are trying to have a baby. We went to see a specialist in the US, and had three IUIs. Unfortunately they did not work, but we did not know why. The next logical step is to try an IVF cycle, but we could not afford the cost. (The fertility clinics offer loans, as we were not the only couple who are blown away by the cost. It seems couples use this option, but really how far can you go in debt to have a chance of having a baby? Well as I can identify with the desperation of wanting a child, it is really hard to draw the line. My husband is the rational one in the family.)
I heard that the costs are not as high in Hungary. So I looked into it; how much would it cost for us to go there for the IVF cycle. I am a dual citizen, so I would use the Hungarian health system as a Hungarian, and my costs would be nominal, compared to my husband (a foreigner). We had to reinstate my Hungarian health insurance, which meant that I had to pay all the fees from 2007 till now, 2012. We also had extra expenses, such as airline tickets, doctor's consultation and the cost for the medicine. The IVF itself is free for 5 trials (!). All these expenses combined, it comes to one fourth of the cost of an IVF cycle in the US. We are very lucky to have this option, as it seems that IVF usually does not work for the first time.
We chose the Kaali Institute in Pecs, Hungary. I am very happy with our choice, everyone is wonderful there, and the doctors are superb. I went back to Pecs, in mid May and started the hormone injections at the end of the month. We had the egg retrieval, the fertilization, an embryo and the implantation. Unfortunately the embryo did not implant. so we are going to start our second IVF cycle at the end of August.
Right now I am not upset, since I know that we tried everything, and we have more chances to succeed. It is very important, that my husband stands by me and adores me. For our wedding anniversary he got me a ticket to come back to the US to be together before going back to Hungary in the middle of August. I am a very lucky woman.