after the seconf IVF - masodik lombikbebi utan

Unfortunately this cycle of IVF did not hold.  I thought it would be easy to navigate myself through the emotions and procedures and blog about it. I am a pretty open person, yet there is something about this that is sacred. It almost feels, that I will jinx it, if I write about it, while it is happening... I know this is silly, but I find myself grabbing on to ideas that I could have never entertained before, just to have this little baby in my arms.
This was our second cycle. During the hormone injections I felt fine. Half way I went for a check up, and there were no  follicles. How could that be? This is the biggest fear one can have in this situation, when even with medicine, no follicles show up. I had number three, as my magical number, that I was envisioning, and really thought it would come through. I was taking 3 Menopur -75NE- twice a day. I have also started another injection, that I did not do last time, which was Gonapeptyl -0.1mg- and I used half of it daily. (It stimulates the pituitary release of LH and FSH) 
 So my doctor upped the Menopur to 4 vials from 3, twice a day. But I only had  four-five days left. You can postpone ovulation only for so long. I wanted to stay positive, but in 4-5 days, what kind of rush is that? When I went for my second ultrasound, I had four follicles. Three of them had an acceptable mature size. So after all, I got my magical number! The doctor was shocked. I was elated, even though I realized, that the chances are, that not all of them must be developed all the way. So we set the day of the egg retrieval. That day I was happy, anxious and excited. They retrieved 3 eggs. I felt like it was luxury, three eggs. However only one became an embryo. One was immature and the other one did not get fertilized. Okay, one is a good number, I only need one to work. Thought I have to confess, we have entertained the thought of twins or triplets... After the implantation I did more bed rest than last time, but I don't think this is as important as some people swear by it, nor do my doctors.
So here I am now. Yesterday and the day before I went through fear and panic. I am better today, as I need to gear up for for our next cycle.  In Hungary you have to wait 3 months between procedures, and my plan is to join the gym (continue with the Pilates) and look for a seasonal holiday job at home (New York), and come back in full force. I am going to go back to the US in a couple of weeks. I miss my husband so much.

Sajnos ez a lombik bebis kor nem jott ossze. Tudom, megigertem, hogy irni fogok rola es beszamolok reszletesen, hogy mit erzek, es mi van eppen soron. Eleg nyitott ember vagyok, de megis, amikor benne voltam a folyamatban, akkor ugy ereztem ebben van valami, amit nem tudok megfogalmazni, es ha irok rola lehet hogy azzal vivom ki magam ellen a sorsot. Tudom, ebben semmi racio nincs, de azon kapom magam, hogy minden esszel felfoghato, es felfoghatatlan dologba kapaszkodok, hogy segitsen abban hogy ezt a kisbabat vegre a kezembe foghassam.
Ez volt a masodik alkalom, hogy elkezdtuk a lombik bebi programot. A hormon injecio alatt nagyon jol ereztem magam. Megint Menopurt -75NE- injekcioztam, 3 poruveget naponta ketszer. Amikor mentem az elso ultrahangra, hat nem volt egyetlen egy tuszom sem. Pedig annyira vizulaltam 3 petet. Annyira hittem benne. Ez a legrosszabb hir, amit az ember kaphat a lombik kapcsan, hogy nincs pete, amit meg lehet termekenyiteni. Egyszeruen sokkolt, nem is ertettem. Emelett a hormon melett meg kaptam egy masik gyogyszert, Gonapeptylt, -0.1mg- aminek a felet kellett naponta beadnom. (Ez a gyogyszer az agyalapi mirigyre hat, hogy tobb legyen az LH es az FSH.)
Ekkor az orvos felemelte a Menopur adagomat, es 4 poruveget adtam be magamnak naponta ketszer. Viszont mar nem volt sok idom, es racionalisan nem ertettem, hogy negy-ot  nap alatt hogy fejlodhet ki egy egeszseges pete. Amikor a masodik ultrahangra mentem, mindenki megdobbenesere negy tuszo fogadott minket. Ebbol harom eleg jo meretu volt. (Na megiscsak megvolt az a varazslatos szam!!) Az orvos meg volt lepodve. Kiirtuk a peteleszivas napjat! Aznap nagyon izgatott, boldog es feszult voltam, megiscsak nagy a tet. Mert ugye a negy tuszoben nem lehet tudni, hogy hany pete van? Vegulis harmat szivtak le, ami csodalatos. A megtermekenyites utan egy embrio alakult ki. Az egyik pete volt eleg fejlett, a masik meg valami oknal fogva nem termekenyult meg. Az egyes szam is jo szam, pont eleg nekunk! Na azert nem mondanam, hogy nem jatszottunk el az ikrek gondolataval... A beultetest kovetoen fekudtem, tobbet is mint multkor, de nem ezen mulik, ebben az orvossal is megegyeztunk.
Hat es most itt tartunk, ket nap felelem es panik utan (a jovo bizonytalansaga miatt) ma mar jobban vagyok, es keszulok az ujabb ciklusra. A biztosito miatt kell harom honapot varni, igy ket harom heten belul haza megyek New Yorkba. Mar annyira hianyzi a ferjem, nehez ezt igy nehez egyedul vegig csinalni.  Azt terveztem, hogy beiratkozok egy torna terembe, (folytatom a pilatest) es keresek munkat az unnepek alatti hajrara.